Two Oh Fifteen

Ssup bitches? Eh. Nda buli maki. 

Ssup homies?

Saja belanja selfies sempena two-oh-fifteen org bilang. Lulz.

Cukup la kan kata mukadimah. Mari mula.

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It's a brand new year. Been months since I've updated. Ada org ka lagi yg baca ni benda. Hahaha. So to start off this new year, let me recap and summarize my 2014. I've wanted to update since new year. But since I'm actually in the middle of my finals, I 'had to' put it off for a while. 

So lemme start, I've been following this one dude on instagram. He doesn't show his face AT ALL. But his captions, perghhhhh tetusuk hati kecil ini. Haha. His old username was whothe_f and now it's the_fguy and one of his posts inspired me to do this. But he deleted it. So here goes.

1. I started 2014 battling depression. I cut off all ties, with all my friends, none excluded. I deactivated all my social networks; my facebook, my twitter, my instagram and my wechat. Everything. I even changed my number so no one could find me. I was basically off the grid. That was how severe my depression was, I wanted to be alone. But as time passed, I got better. And the friends started coming back, broke through my walls and saved me from the hell I was in. I love you girls to death. Remember that.

2. Out of the three things that I said I would do to kick-start my 2014, only 1 did I manage to achieve. I didn't say sorry to neither Mosby or Zuko. I didn't even manage to keep up with my weekly jog. But I did however, cut off poison from my life. I blocked that daft jerk from my whatsapp, deleted him from my wechat, unfollowed him on instagram and no longer responded to his pathetic tweets. And I must say I am very very very much happier without him.

3. Looking back, it's funny who I started my 2014 with and who I ended it with. The differences.. I started 2014 with Mr Batman Sepet. But like everything else, it ended before we even started. After the end of my first semester in UiTM Seremban, I stopped replying to him. Stopped hoping. Stopped waiting. I was in too much pain, and I just had to stop. I know I hurt him, too, when I left him hanging. I guess I can't put the blame on either of us. Neither of us was ready to start over from broken relationships.

4. I realized that I've hurt so many people. They were trying to pick up my pieces and instead, they got cut on those tiny sharp pieces. You cannot imagine how much I despise myself. I am a despicable human being. But I can't stop. I've tried. I've tried opening up and I just can't. So please leave me be. You'll only get hurt trying to save a lost cause.

5. I've also met so many new people in 2014. And despite a horrible year, I've learned so many things from so many different people. Here's to my classmates, for never getting bored with my "I wanna go home" whining. Here's to Mr. Harry Thien, for listening to my complaints every night before bed. Here's to Adi, for the advises that he's given, for being patient with me, even tho I've only known him for a short while. Here's to Azeem, for never getting mad whenever I start cursing or hitting him. And here's to my friends that I've known long before 2014 and have stayed with me through the good and the bad.

I guess that's long enough as it is. I'll update soon. Happy New Year again, dear loves. Wishing you guys a wonderful year full of memories ahead of ya. Toodles!

Fuck, I forgot I have to change my header. Nantila bila habis exam ugh.