Being overdrugged with headache.

Demi Allah, I don’t know what’s gotten into me today.

Seriously, I have no freaking idea why the hell every single damn thing annoys me today.

For the love of God, I swear, I don’t know what’s going on.

Time: 08:00

Venue: A2, Fast Track

Subject: MAT 112

Mood: Light headache

Report: Tried to solve some hard questions. Well, at first it went well. Depan, belakang, kiri, kanan, semua minta ajar. I was glad to help. I always remind myself that to teach is to learn twice. So I taught. And when I wanted to do my own work, I asked someone who I already taught to teach another person. That went well. Then came the beputar belit questions. Maw pusing sana laa, pusing sini laa. Lastlast kepala aku pun pusing.

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Time: 10:00

Venue: F3, Fast Track

Subject: MGT 162

Mood: My-brain-is-about-to-burst headache

Report: Presentation of Fazril, Ruslie, Jali, and Ujai’s group. Kayy, dengar jak laa. Walaupn kepala maw pica suda, tatap jua aku dengar. Farida, Syadiqin, Harith and Pipey tries to talk to me, I push them away. Far far away. I just didn’t feel like talking or thinking, because I thought at any minute, my brains would burst. Pipey asked us to join her to the library, I declined.

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Time: 12:00

Venue: Parking Lot, Fast Track

Mood: Getting slightly better

Report: Miss Faiqah drove us to UK (Unit Kesihatan) because Fuad was ill and wanted to see the doctors.

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Time: 12:05

Venue: Unit Kesihatan

Mood: Better

Report: Waited there for about fifteen minutes. Tried the scale. Still skinny, only 41 kg. Poor me.

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Time: 12:20

Venue: BK 3-1, Bangunan Akademik Baru

Mood: Happy

Report: Did math with Syadiqin and Farida. Laughed non-stop. It was fun. Then slowly other people started appearing. And so did my headache. Throbbing headache. I was ready to shout at any moment now.

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Time: 14:00

Venue: BK 3-1, Bangunan Akademik Baru

Subject: PAD 120

Mood: Ready to shout

Report: Went through PAD just fine. Though it was horrible, to try and concentrate on the subject while having a very bad headache that hasn’t gone since yesterday night. Got a text from room mate, Soleh, to do something, and I said okay. I didn’t remember that we were planning on going to the library.

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Time: 16:00

Venue: Library

Mood: Seriously shouting at everyone and every damn thing that’s annoying me

Report: On the way to the library, being shoved aside when all I wanted was someone to talk to was. SO. DAMN. ANNOYING. AND. FRUSTRATING. So I was annoyed over the top and I shouted “KALAU BEGINI LAA GAYANYA, BAIK AKU BALIK JAK!” (no, I’m not proud of what I did, more to guilty) but I still went. Suddenly remembered Soleh’s bidding. Texted Soleh saying I couldn’t do it ‘cause them friends wanted me to teach them math. Got a reply “yalaa…bla bla bla” Okay, ne yang aku malas ne, bukan nya aku nemaw tolong, tapi ada hal. Sakit hati gila. So I went back to hostel to do her bidding. And guess how I went to hostel? NAIK TANGGA DPIM. YAAAA, puasapuasa ne aku NAIK TANGGA DPIM. Alaaa, no hal laa, sedangkan Rasulullah SAW dulu siap beperang lagi time puasa, nie kan naik tangga dpim. Dui dogo, no hal pun, kan?

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To the person I feel guilty the most to, Nurafiqah Jasnie.

I’m sorry for the way I acted today. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my tone down. I’m sorry all I did today might’ve hurt your feelings. I shouldn’t have shouted, I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I shouldn’t have ignored you. I shouldn’t have left you at the library. I shouldn’t have done all those things. I wish I could make it up to you, I’m sorry. Sincerely, I’m sorry.

~

To the one holding back the most anger towards me, Mohd Harith.

I’m sorry I accused you of things. I’m sorry I made you feel so small. I’m sorry for intimidating you. In other words, MENGANCANG. I’m sorry I ignored you too, and tried to push you away. I’m sorry I neglected your feelings. I’m sorry for not wanting to hear the things you were trying to say.

~

To the one who had the most patience towards my shitty attitude, Mohd Syadiqin.

I don’t what to say to you, but I’m so embarrassed. Embarrassed of how I acted today. For ignoring the one who tried to cheer me up, for pushing you away, for shouting. And for everything that I’ve done that might’ve hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for leaving without an explanation and for making you feel guilty when in fact it was all my fault.

~

To the one who tried to make me reason with myself, Nur Farida.

I’m sorry for not hearing most of the things you said. I’m sorry for burdening you with all the complaints. I’m sorry for being such a dumbass and not thinking of what you would feel if I acted like how I acted just now. I’m sorry you had to hear me screaming my head off. And thank you for trying to ease my headache.

~

To the other classmates too, if kmo tak senang dgn cara saya hari ne, saya minta maaf banyak2.

Gosh, I feel so guilty. I know I shouldn’t have done all those things; shout, scream, neglect.

But I felt everything that went on today was so freaking annoying.

But either way, it didn’t give me the right to act so spoilt.

And for that, I’m sorry.

Sorry for being such a b*tch today.

God, I overuse the words “I’m sorry” too much.

And I know Kak Redha once said that sorry is only just the beginning.

But I hope my sorry is the beginning to better days with you guys.

Seriously, I really am.