I'm not good at conveying my feelings.

seriously, susah betul maw tulis benda ne. bejam-jam aku pikir pa maw tulis. i'm not good at talking to people about my feelings. i just laughed to the extend of no sound escaping my mouth and then cried myself to feeling okay again. And the crazy&superb room mates have been asking why the fuck am I like this. I can't explain it. I can't explain why I feel this way. I just can't. it's been awhile since I've felt this way. The last time was when I found out Lee left me for another girl. And yeah, the pain is coming back to me again. Not because of him, though. Maybe because of the stress I've been feeling from the past week. Tambah2 lae yesterday I had a very tiring experience of trying to find a hotel for me and my mates from 10 p.m till near 1 a.m. Cua bayangkan cari hotel tgh2 malam, ramai lae lelaki2 menakutkan, ada lae kami jumpa org isap gam. Nda kw takut ka? Tambah2 lae dady marah sbb I didn't tell him about my problems but I told mum. Makdal dea joo.

But maybe not because of that. Remember my last post? About this 'guy'? Yeah, due to the fact that I've been bored the whole day. Because we don't have any class today because of cuti, and because I can't go back to sleep, I've been in front of the laptop the whole day. And yeah, due to the fact that I'm bored, I have been stalking literally every person that I know (I don't do this usually, you know, I just do this when I'm bored) and yeah, aku netaw knapa, tapi aku kecewa sgt2. Kenapa? Aku stalk this 'guy'. Yang sampai February punya post, then aku stalk abg dia. And I got hints that he's actually a taken guy. And I don't know, I just feel so fucking stupid. Just plain stupid.

I feel stupid for feeling stupid. Saya sakit hati sbb saya sakit hati. Do I make sense? I don't feel like I do. I just cried myself to sleep looking at his old posts. At his wall posts. It just doesn't make sense, like at all. Because I just met this guy, and we've only been friends for 2 weeks. But when I look at those photos, at those statuses, those wall posts, macam kena electric shock bha. I'm not making sense at all. Bila the room mates malar betanya pasal dia, lagi hujan. Sya netaw knapa sya ngs, seriously. Badan sya pn yg terus demam ne. And weak berabis.

The only answer to ze room mates' questions is "Aku netaw knapa aku ngs. Piey, knpa aku ngs ne? Tyra, knapa bha sakit? Far, knapa nda berenti ngs ne? Knapa bha suma ne?" Knapa bha ne. Sya nda paham. Seriously.