sambungan cerita hidup ku.

17hb November ari tu, genap 9 bln sya single. Nda kmo pcaya? Sya tempiling kpala kmo lajulaju. HAHAHAHA.

Seriously, I have been single for 9 months.

The very last person that broke my heart was him. Yes, him. Kamu kenal jg sepa kan? Mustahil tia knal, even blog sya yg lama pun penuh dgn nama dia. Facebook sya (yg Azreen Azwan yer) jan ckp, laaaaaagi penuh dgn nama dia, photos dia, post2 dia. Tumblr lae baaaaaanyak.

But that's all over after 10 months.

Sejujur-jujurnya, itula boyfie sya yg paling lama: 10 months.

Nda paya laa maw cerita bnyak2 sgt, ckup laa sekadar ckp, bila kami broke-up dulu, sakit dia, MYGAD, kalah2 lae kna sepak terajang. Kmo perna rasa, sakit dari dalam? Sakit yg start dari dada, then slowly turun naik sampai macam satu body kw sakit. Yg kw rasa lemah. Blum lae rasa nemaw makan, nemaw buat apa2, rasa maw ngs jak. perna? Rasa yg kw nmpak apa2 jak laa, msti kw terigt dia, fav color dia ka, baju yg kw pakai tyme date dgn dia ka, bau dia ka. Perna rasa sakit smpai kw nda terasa apa2 lae. rasa NUMB. rasa yg kw hidup tp mcm kw bukan org hidup? Sampai mumy kw netaw lae apa maw buat, bila nampak kw, muka dia risau, muka yg buntu, muka yg kesian sma kw tp no idea what to do? Perna kw senyum macam org gila bila ada org around and act hyper but bila kw masuk bilik sorg2, belum smpat tutup pintu, air mata nda berenti? Jantung kw mcm kena cucuk cucuk and all you ever want to do is sleep and never wake up. But you do wake up, and the first thing in your mind every morning is "why the fuck do I feel so broken" and after a few seconds, you realise that you slept with tears in your eyes and him in your mind.

And do you know how hard it was to bounce back from all that shit? From all those thoughts of ending it all? From thoughts of running away from everyone, anywhere, where no one knows your name and start a new life? You know how hard it was to stop all the pain? To pick up all those broken pieces of your heart? To piece your life back together? To find courage to actually live again?

Mesti kmo heran knp sya ckp suma benda ne kan?

Sbb sya sakit hati.

Bukan sbb laki nda guna ne.

Tapi sbb laen.

Bila kmo suda kena teruk begitu kan, kmo rasa, senang ka maw pcaya org laen lagi? Kw sanggup ka kena begitu for the 2nd time? sanggup? For me ckupla skali kena teruk begitu.

Tapi muncul pula laki lagi sorg ne.

Yeah, we text a lot. Seriously, A LOT. And I don't know why. Dalam bnyk2 org yg minta numbr sya tyme sya keja d Tenom, dia sorg jak yg sya bg dgn kerelaan. And biasanya kalau sya bg, wlaupn org tu msg, sya tia layan. Seriously, kw tnya laa org2 yg msg sya, kdang2 sya pndai hilang. Sbb sya MALAS maw bls msg. Nda kira laa sepa. Suda terbiasa tu hp kena kc biar2 kan.

Tp ne laki laa yg first sya rajinnnnnn btul bls msg. Kmo pcaya ka kdg2 smpai satu hari kmi msg, dari pagi smpai mlm sya t'tdur. Baru2 ne lae, tgh lecture class pn sya bmsg. Seriously nooooo idea why.

Paling pelik bila sya buka fb dea. And biasala, perempuan. Apa lagi, mulakan misi utk STALK. HAHAHAHA. So there I was stalking his pictures. And one by one sya tingu. Tba2 muncul laa ne gamballl, gamballl dia sma prempuan. Banyak lae tu =='

And I felt macam kena electric syok ne. Then tiba2 sya sakit ati. And then sya sakit ati dgn diri sendiri. And yea, I felt so damn stupid. Nda perna2 bha sya skt hati psl tingu org len sma prmpn. TIDAK PERNAH at all sejak sya turn single. Wlaupn sya ada minat some people pn, bila nmpk dia sma prmpn, ndalaa smpai kena electric syok kan. Seriously, smpai sya tnya diri sendiri 'WHYYYYYYYYYY, why do I feel beginiiiiiii'

Seriously, I really don't like this feeling. Sya sakit hati sbb sya sakit hati. Kmo faham ka? Sya nda suka bila sya jadi begini. Rasa bodoh gilakkkkkkk sbb bole skt hati. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? :'( Sya nemaw jadi mcm org gila for the second timeeeeeee.

Nsb ada the crazy roomates. Bebeh Tyra, Aten Panda, Nora Burpp, Farida b==bs, Pipiey Over, and Tara. Kalau tanpa dorg, mcm gila jak menahan sakit hati dgn diri sendiri.

Well, I'll update soon about them. Complete with the pictures. Tee hee, bubye ;)