To RA :')

Hey, I know things haven't exactly turned out well. With me accusing stuff you didn't do and all that. And I know you wouldn't read this either. We stopped contacting each other for months now. And I know for a fact that you're taken. Congrats on that. 2nd girlfie I heard. Lucky her :')

I just wrote this because I had a few things on my mind. Things I need to let out after I found out the truth dari 'pengantara' kita. Bahahaha. Ramai kan pengantara kita? Ini 'pengantara' yg paling rapat dgn kau. You know who. *wink

After I broke up with Lee, there was no one, no one at all who could occupy my brain (or my heart, on that matter). For months, maybe about 6 months or more. I don't quite keep in mind things that went on during Lee or after. Some things are better forgotten. No one, not even people I usually spend my time with could break into my wall.

.....and then you came along.

22nd August 2011

My first starbuck. And the first time I met you.

I still kept the receipt. I even wrote on it "First time jumpa *****". Lucu kanssss? Hee.

I bet you don't remember the details like I did. Why would you? I was just another nerd from the country-side girl.

I was wearing my green tee with a cardigan, sitting at Starbucks in fasting month. It still makes me smile when I remember that. Well, PMS ba. Kenapa juga pkir lain? Hahahaha. Well, I was sipping my first Choco Cream Frap, in front of the lappie.

And then our 'pengantara' came, along with the girlfie. And from the corner of my eyes, I saw you tailing from behind. And my heart skipped a beat and went mad the next second. Dup Dap Dup Dap Dup Dap Dappppppp! I had no idea why, but it did. You were wearing a black tee, and soooo freakin talllll. I couldn't do nothing but stare at you, did you remember that? I stared until I ACCIDENTALLY kicked both my Doss plastic bag. Gelabah gilaaaaaaa. *macam miang pula kan? hahahahahaha*

After that we had our break of fast at pizza. I was sitting at the end of the table and you sat opposite me and at the opposite end. And my eyes...would...not...stop...staringggggggg. Damned hormones or love at first sight or whatever the hell happened to me.

I remember we, DiPACians had PAD class that night, so after reaching BAB, we went our separate ways, and you waved goodbye. At the end of the day, you were the first to occupy my mind, after so many months.

Then the word spread, and everyone knew about you, about my crush on you. Word travels fast in UiTM kan? Bahahahahaha. Then I had to stop my face from getting red every time I saw you, which didn't work because it turned violent red anyways.

This was the first time we chat. The first time you started a conversation. You know what I did? My hand shook and I went white. You can't even imagine how adrenaline-rushed I was at the moment. Then when it dawned on me, I jumped and then I circled the spot where I stood. And I squealed. Like a p|G, seriously. Bahahaha. You can check it with Harith, I was on call with him at the moment. I told him everythinggggggg. 

And then it stopped. We never chat or talked after that. Until a few months ago.

2nd mid-semester break. 1 week, I was back in Tenom. And you asked for number. I was squealing like a p|G, again. Bahahahahaha. This, you can verify from my Big Sis Lin. I was shouting in the office like mad. And after we text, we were in contact for a while, weren't we? And then we stopped, I had no idea why.

And now I found out the truth, from our friend. And I cried, just because of that. Just because I imagined what could've happened. The alternatives. The what-ifs. Truth is, I've always waited for you. Even when we didn't have anything, I was so afraid to lose you. But I wouldn't text you first, because I thought I was being annoying. Typical girl problem, ayy? Hee.

Well, bukan jodoh. Apa boleh buat. Wishing you all the best, I just needed to tell somebody about this, even if somebody meant nobody :')