2 years.

Before I go on with this post, I'd just like to apologize to the current girlfie, if you ever read this. I'm sorry. I know no reasons that could make you consent this post. You have rights, you're his girlfie, and I'm just someone from his past. And I deeply apologize, again, for this post.

And to any of my 'friends' who wants to criticize me for posting about him again, I owe no explanation.

So it's been 2 years, huh?

It was around this time, on this date, 2 years ago.

After that, there was no more him. No more of his lame jokes. No more calling me 'wifey'. No more late night calls. No more morning texts. No more of his Kedayan sarcasm. No more sending picts. No more fights. No more laughs. No more waiting every month. No more Imissyou's. No more Iloveyou's. Just no more.

He left. He left. He left. He was the start of everyone leaving me. One. by. one.

You know what I liked most about us? The way he looked at me. That, was the very first time I felt special to someone. That, was the first time I felt like somebody was afraid to lose me. The very first time I felt accepted, for who I am, who I was, and who I was gonna be.

I liked how he lessened the things I didn't like. He stopped smoking for a while. He even drank less. I liked how he opened up to me, to things he likes and doesn't like. I liked his warm and caring personality.

I liked us. Well, that's the thing. Like'd'. Past tense.

And after that he left. Just like what everyone expected. Funny thing was, we were one of those couples that everyone expected to break up, maybe even anticipated. But when we did, they were still shocked.

He's the reason why I'm still alone. Not lonely, merely alone. There's a major difference. After that, I couldn't trust anyone. Of course, everyone kept giving me those "Azi, you're young. Barely off age. Why bother being broken from a puppy love relationship? Why let him ruin you?" kind of comments. I know I was young, but I knew those things I felt was real. I know it was stupid. But real, nonetheless.

Then came the typical cliche ending. After a bad relationship, came the bitch. The cold ice queen that didn't want to get in a relationship. Who does not love. Who didn't like attachments. Who didn't like commitments. Who doesn't trust people anymore. Not one. Not even those she called her bestfriends. Why bother being attached and committed when in the ending you end up being disappointed? 

You can laugh. "haiya. this girl. belum sampai 20 sudah jiwang2" Fine, different people, different perspective.

2 years. Been 2 years since I couldn't ever feel the same way I did before. Been 2 years since I started comparing everyone to you. But not even one can compare to you.

No, darling readers who don't understand me, I do not want to be back in that relationship. I do not want him back. I already said, I don't lick what I spit. Let bygones be bygones. I'm just saying he was my best. Regardless of the things he did to hurt me, he's still -for now- the best. 

But I wish the best for him, nonetheless. Hoping that he and the current girlfie settles until she walks down the aisle, in white, to him :)