Keep in mind

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something"

~~~

I think I was too caught up in my own conflicts, that I forgot to appreciate the little things that happened. I've been a bitchy bipolar party pooper for the last few weeks, I know. And I think I just forgot that other people had feelings too. Yes, I've been selfish, I know. And I know sorry won't change what I did, but that's the only thing I have to say.

There were things that happened these last few weeks. Both good and bad. And I was just too wrapped up in those negativity vibes, that looking bad, I failed to notice the good.

Looking back on that day, at Pp's house. In the midst of all that confusion, I looked back and I remembered that one favourite part of mine. He was called up front to sing. Just as the music started. I couldn't, I just couldn't sit there listening. So I stood up and walked away. I didn't know where I was headed, I just needed to get away, to not hear his voice singing that song. I ended up walking right up to the tuck shop nearby. And I heard foot steps so I turned. There he was, my knight in shining armor, my best friend, Mr Syadiqin Rambli. I had the feeling that I was a runaway bride and he was my groom, running after me, and he bought me my favourite ice-cream, too. If that did happen in real life, I think I would've went back to the house and married him. Hahahahaha.

And there were the nights I spent in Farida's room, talking about nothing in particular. I just liked being there with her, with Nanu. They make me forget about the problems, especially when they're hyper. And not to mention when Aqilah comes over. She's a great shoulder to cry on. Literally, I cried on her shoulders. Lol. She doesn't judge me for what I feel, and I'm thankful.

There was also the time when we went to Karambunai. Oh, those times were priceless. Just us, me, Pp, Farid, Min, Echa and Tara. I really forgot about everything that day. It was so fun to be in the waters. I spent almost 5 hours in the water. Like seriouslyyy. We barbecued and we snorkeled and we kayaked and you know, we just goofed around. I can't remember being more happier.

And those times when Pp came over to study and we slept side by side. Nothing can compare to the pillowtalks we had. The advises she gives me. The goofiness, the laughter, the drowsy talk when we wake up and try to study. You know, it just makes you think, that someone actually cares.

The mentions on twitter with crush. Now, that's really funny. But not gonna talk about that here. I'm scared he'll find my blog. Milik orang pula tu kan. Hahahaha.

And of course, the times I spend at home, watching tv with dad. When he actually changes the channel to let me watch what I want to watch. The meals that mum cooks just for me. The singing me and Teena do when we're in the car.

And it's all those little things.

The talks. The singing. The jokes.

I forgot to appreciate that.

I realised that when I heard Taylor Swift's 22. I drowned myself in the lyrics. And soon enough, I started crying. Is that weird? Hope not. Hahahaha. But yeah, I started crying. Because I realised what I missed. And to think that we're left with only a few months until the end of diploma, I'm speechless.

And after I woke up from this reality slumber, I didn't feel sad anymore. Sincerely, I do not feel sad that we're not talking, not like I used to. I just feel sorry for him. I don't even know why. You know, you lost your chance. I just have nothing to say to you anymore. I don't hate you. It's just that I give up. This time for real, and this time, without any regrets ;)