Belated Birthday

Can I skip the usual hello here?

Yeah.

~~~

Back in Form 4, I used to have a friend that doesn't remember his own birthday. Every time I asked how he can't even remember the day he was born, he would always just shrug and say "because I don't like remembering my own birthday."

Back then I thought he was faking it. I mean c'mon, who DOES NOT like their own birthday? It's like the only day people treat you so special and back then there were still presents. (Spoiler: when you turn 18, the presents stop coming)

And then I turned 17 and started to understand how it felt like to hate your own birthday.

Every year since I was 17, I have never felt special. I felt lonely. I felt out of place. I felt useless. I felt unloved. I felt more and more like a burden to everyone around me. And I cried myself to sleep, every year since I turned 17.

So when 13th September 2013 was just around the corner, all I prayed for was that everyone just forgot about it. I sincerely wished that everyone just forgot. Because you know, it was easier to hope for nothing, than to get disappointed. Or, I wished that everyone did remember but just wish me a happy birthday and everything would just stop there. No celebration. No surprises. Just warm birthday wishes.

But then nearing 13th September midnight, Tyra took me out for dinner at Upperstar and late night coffee at Starbucks.

Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok. 00:00, 13th September.

The whatsapps, wechats started to flood my phone. Pictures of me took over contacts in whatsapp.

I cried, again. But this time I was confused why. I didn't know whether I was happy or whether I was just sad. I didn't know. But I was touched. I was touched by the lovely wishes and the gestures. I was touched.

Then came the morning of my birthday. I was late to class (as usual) and as I entered, everyone started singing the 'Happy Birthday' song. And I, feeling all eyes on me, started feeling awkward. The song ended, I said thank you. And class was normal again.

Not for long, though.

I noticed that Farid was unseparable with her laptop. I didn't know why she brought it in the first place. It was a Friday. And the only subject on Friday was Law. Law didn't require any use of laptop. But I didn't ask. Because I was a girl who didn't ask much.

"5 minutes break, then," Mdm Freda announced.

Farid came to me with her laptop. "Close your eyes," she said. "Whaaaa-," she didn't even give me time to finish my word. "Just close your eyes. Now." Pitch black, as I closed my eyes. I felt the laptop on my lap. "Now open it," she said.

I opened my eyes. A video was playing.

Tell me how how HOW HOW can I not cry when I watched that? Gila taching habissss la ba!

And then I went back home. And spent hours watching movies on my laptop.

End.

Suspense? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No la, after they finished with their ASEAN test, they came to kidnap me from home. They blindfolded me. (I shut my eyes a lot that day)

So yeah, after it felt like centuries, we finally stopped. And I was being led out of the car. The blindfold was taken off of me. And it started again.. the "Happy Birthday" song. I couldn't actually open my eyes. The light was blinding. So after my eyes adjusted to the lights, I could recognize the place we were at, it was at Salut, Kelapa Bakar place, along Tuaran road.

And then we went for supper at Bombers' Burgers

and later for a movie

and then went back home.

If I could describe that day, I would sum it up into

"I have never felt so blessed and loved."

Thank you loves. Thank you so much.

~~~

But you know what kinda made me sad? The fact that the guy that said he was looking forward to 13th September didn't even bother to pick up his phone to text, whatsapp, mention, not even an indirect tweet, to wish me my birthday. But screw you. You no longer exist to me. That date we went on? Thanks, but you're just back to being a stranger to me. No more. Adios. Take care.