idk just ugh

Well... Since Tyra asked me to update le bloggie..

Here goes.

~~~

There are a lot of things happening in my life.

And it feels as if I may not make it.

Time feels like it's going on top speed.

You know, when it feels as if everything is just.. passing you by.

In an instant;

In a hurry;

Leaving everything behind.

I feel like everything is just a blur.

And truth be told,

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of the uncertainties the future holds.

I want something solid to hold on to.

But even that 'wanting something to hold on to' scares the shit out of me.

What if that 'something' is only for show?

And that 'something' leaves the second I start catching feelings?

That's why I'd rather stay alone. 

That way, if that 'something' doesn't work out, 

I won't get sad, 

or...

Disappointed.

Because that feeling of having a dead soul once was more than enough to last a lifetime.

.....

....

...

..

.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

I wish people knew how to categorize feelings.

I... am a girl who cannot fall in love.

I used to love too much,

too deeply,

and when I fell,

he left.

Leaving me shattered on the floor.

That was when I prayed to God.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed,

to make the hurt go away.

The hurt remained,

along with the ugly scars,

but God gave me something better,

I was a given a new heart,

sheltered by walls so high you could never see the end of it.

No matter how much I want to feel that feeling of being in love again...

No matter how much I doubt my own decision to push everyone away..

Those strong walls shake but will never be able to collapse.